Monday, September 10, 2012

search and rescue.

Something happened when I moved out here to the wild, wonderful, west- and it was so subtle and jumbled into all these crazy, awesome, changes and adjustments that I feel like I'm just now getting my breath and starting to catch on.

I lost my voice somewhere along the way.

It's not as dramatic as it sounds, not really.  It's just that the things that kept me moving, kept my head above the water line before I moved, they're not such necessary life lines here. Or maybe I'm finding different ones.

The point of the matter is that I've traded writing for this little corner of the internet and reading in the park for long solitary hikes in the mountains, copious amounts of netflix,  and constantly having my personal journal in my purse. Not to mention the course load of the first year Clinical Mental Health Counseling Masters student.

I actually cook meals here,  and carry the trash downstairs and around the building to the dumpster, and make my bed every morning. And these are tiny little details, but when you split a household from two to one, all the tiny stuff adds up. And oh! how I love my little apartment and living by myself and walking everywhere I need to go. I love it here.

But I think maybe I tried to change all the things I didn't love about my self all at once, too fast, and I lost some of the things I did love along the way. I'm allowed to miss my boyfriend even though I'm happy, so happy to be here now. I'm allowed to take time to write here even though I've got school work to juggle. So now I'm going to do a bit of back-tracking- try to find a balance.

Try to find my voice.


  1. So exciting. I'm in the same program (just a diff school, obv) :) Hope it's going well for you. You're allowed to do whatever the hell you want.

  2. With so many new things at once it's hard to find a balance right away. You'll find it though.