better late than never?

Happy New Year!

(the better-late-than-never addition)

Welp, in true Sara form, I've put off my new years resolutions until now. In case you didn't know, goal is the preferred term for those who are too cool to make resolutions, but actually are making resolutions while labeling it with the new title to disguise what they're up to. A GOAL made during the first month of the year is just a thinly veiled, to the point of being utterly ridiculous, RESOLUTION.

But before I get to that,  I'd like to say that I'm seriously losing hope in adult literacy. Maybe it's just the Midwest? The shit I see on Facebook is astounding. Typing the word 'ridiculous' reminded me of just how many of my 'friends' have been claiming things are 'rediculous' lately. What the fucking fuck is REDiculous?!" Is something red? Is someone bleeding? PLEASE, STOP THE MADNESS. SAVE THE WHALES. Fucking learn how to spell so you don't look like a damn fool all over the interwebz. Thanks. 

Ok, I'm ready to bring it down a few notches now.

So, without further ado, here's what I'd like to do in 2011. (Aside from eating more bacon, which is always a given.)

1.  Take Hally to the park at least 3 days a week.

The vague way that I intentionally wrote this leaves me to be able to load her into the car, drive her all the way to the park, say "We're here!" cheerfully, and then drive home if it's pouring rain and/or freezing. It says nothing about actually walking her while there. I'm basically a loophole genius. Law degree, please?

2.  Save fifty dollars a paycheck.

 Not to be touched until 2012.

To pay off my credit card. Hopefully.

...Defintely?

3.  Manage my time better.

Stop over-booking myself because I can't be bothered to keep track when I tell people I'll do things with them. Actually write it down. I'm not even popular, I just seem to have friends that like to plan things three months in advance on the same weekend. Then I'm all "OH, that's all the way in the future, I'll worry about it when it comes closer to time." For about three different things. And then I'm screwed and can't make everyone happy. I hate not being able to make everyone happy.

ALSO- Use time I set aside for things on THAT TASK, instead of coming out of a fog two hours behind schedule with toothbrush in hand and an alarmingly clean bathtub in front of me, half high from inadvertantly inhaling various cleaning agents, when I'm supposed to be going for a run.

3.  Read WAY more books.

I am not a supporter of moderation. Shocking, I know.

I consume the things that I find favorable voraciously and deal with the consequences when they're upon me. And those consequences, the little bastards, always find the exact least awesome time to flood on in.

But, I like it.

For instance, I get swept away by books. I'll start a book to read before bed for a little while every night like a normal person and then I'll look over at the clock and it's five in the morning and oh shit, I've been reading for six hours and I have to get ready for work in an hour and a half. But at least I've only got 100 more pages to go? Maybe I should just stay up and finish it? I'll drink a lot of coffee. I'll be fine.

It's always been this way, since I was a little girl. I'd hide out somewhere while the dog days of summer were languidly gleaning by with sprinklers to frolick through and ice cream trucks to chase and I'd be somewhere else completely. Don't get me wrong, I was still finding time to be a bossy-ass little tyrant, eat copious amounts of frozen juice products, and get lost in the woods, but somehow a book always accompanied me.

It's crossed my mind before that reading has become somewhat of a drug for me, and maybe it is. In the throughs of a good read, I'm  somewhere else, in a different state of mind, anyone I want to be, really. I'm feeling the spectrum, I'm laughing, I'm lost, and I'm always found. It's the same sensation as getting drunk or high, maybe, but without the risks or hangover. It's still just an escape from everyday reality. When I'm mid-novel, I don't worry about the $.68 in my bank account, or completely incompetent people at work, or even my fear of the future. It's incredible to just let your own life take a backseat to the lives of nonexisent beings.

When I'm reading, I turn off my mind completely to the truths of the life I'm actually living. If I'm heartbroken, it's because the protagonist is heartbroken, not because I'm heavy, so heavy with stress from my own world. I feel everything, and everything actually feels good, better than the everything I force myself to push to the side in the living breathing world of which I'm actually an active player. Often the characters in books are as real to me as the paper and binding I'm turning in my hands. And it helps. It's therapy. I know I like a book if I don't even have primary needs like eating or drinking, I know I love a book if I don't notice that I need to pee, or my legs are asleep, or my neck has gone completely stiff while I'm reading it.

It's always worth it and I'm usually emotionally exhausted at the end. Which is what I really needed anyway. Perhaps I'm emotionally inept, but at least I get my realease from reading.

Sometimes it's shocking for me to realize that not everyone feels the way that I do about reading. Not everyone uses literary escape as a coping mechanism for the aches and pains of everyday living. But, I do, and shit do I need an escape this winter, for my own sanity.

The spans of time in my life that I do the least reading can be divided into two, true to form, very polar explanations.


1. I'm in the lowest of lows.
2. I'm in the highest of highs.

I haven't been reading very much as of late, and I NEED to get back into it. So I'd say a book a week is a fair goal.

4. Pay bills on time. 

Why am I in my mid-twenties and STILL struggling with this? uhhhh.... ??? Seriously, I almost always have the money... I just.... forget to get online/mail in the payment? No. I seriously bet my credit score is terrible. It's got to be. UGH, all those fucking free credit report! commercials bombarding the media outlets just make me panic about it more. I need to do this.

5. Join a group

I really don't think I'm busy enough, and that's me being completely serious. I have waaaaaay too much time on my hands. I don't even care what kind of group I join, so long as it's not a cult. And even then, I'll consider it. 

Manfriend wants to join a boxing gym. Since I'm pretty much completely passive aside from verbal sparing, I'm not sure how I feel about this. We didn't even see The Boxer, but I'm not opposed to it, I guess- maybe just to see the spectacle of Christian Bale as a junkie. I swear that man changes his look more than Lady Gaga, except instead of outfits, it's his entire body.

Anyway, Manfriend apparently has lots of bottled aggression to take out physically on people with his fists,  which gives me some free time in the evenings that I will  probably shouldn't spend drinking wine by myself. So why not join a group that drinks wine together? Or a political group, or a volunteer group, or, book club that drinks wine!? I'm accepting suggestions. And wine.

6. Write more.

You know, I think this is pretty self-explanatory. I'd like to do some freelance, some blogging, some spirit journaling, all the basics. I never realized how much I rely on writing to air my concerns with the world, even if it's  just to myself, until this year. So, 2011, lets get literary all OVA DIS BIZNITCH.

7. Let people know how they make me feel/ what I expect from them.

I have feelings. It's pretty annoying most of the time. I have a lot of feelings toward my mother, specifically. I'm sure I'll write A LOT about how this little resolution is going regarding my mother. 

8. Take time for myself when I need it so I don't freak out later.

I will honestly flip a shit if I don't take enough time to just chill out and be by myself. I'm social, I love people, but seriously, I need to be by myself sometimes. Like, more than a normal person. This doesn't even include things like driving to and from work, reading, and watching shitty sitcoms because I'm too lazy to google random shit on the internet until I find something that entertains me. I. JUST. ENJOY. MY. OWN. COMPANY. 

Weird, eh? 

Cheers to less freaks outs this year!!!!!!

XO Sare