Tuesday, May 17, 2011

perfect comeback.

Seeing badass women tell people off in movies is one of my favorite things ever.

 There's just nothing like watching this edgy and cool yet morally superior nice-girl suffer for like an hour with various physical and emotional oppressions and then FINALLY see her take a stand slash dominate an entire head-on confrontation.

I get goosepumps sometimes. Partially because I LOVE perfect moments where just the right words come out and minimal physical stress is exhibited. Because I ALWAYS start shaking before I raise my voice to someone. Just the anticipation of it puts my body at high alert, that's how schizoid this schizoid really is. And the perfect words never come until like four hours after the fact, because what I actually said just sort of fell out of my mouth awkwardly in start-stopping increments, stumbled over, stuttery, disorganized, and weak; exactly how I felt.

But, no. These women, heros of mine to an extent, almost always get their cathartic moment, and just watching it materialize, even if I know deep down that it's fictional, is enough for me to get my kicks off of.

I get seriously into movies, too. Like, most people in my inner circle fall into two groups. They either find my incessant high-alert sitting posture and speaking to the characters in every single movie I watch quirky and endearing and just deal with it. Or, they straight up refuse to watch films with me altogether. Or, WILDCARD,  they're Manfriend who falls more into the second category, but the oodles and oodles of overflowing love for me in his heart allows him to keep watching movies with me while shushing minimally and rolling his eyes maximally, despite his instinct to steer me toward another activity.

A perf example of this I-am-female-hear-me-roar moment comes in a little movie I made Manfriend watch on Saturday night, and one of my all-time faves, Erin Brockovich. This woman dresses like a total hussy and doesn't know a lick about law but still manages to win an enormous class-action suit against a multi-billion dollar corporation. It's heartwarming, I LOVE taking down billion dollar enterprises, it's like this movie was made for me. AKA the real Erin Brockovich lived for my personal enjoyment, since this film is BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS. Wow Universe, you really outdid yourself on this one.

Plus, the 90s? Yeah, I didn't hate them. And they definitely didn't hate Julia Roberts, who is climbing down into radioactive sewage ditches and shit and having shady/investigative conversations at random dive bars while still being a decent person and struggling to run the single-parent offense on THREE children. Booya, world.

Hi, boobs.

Ms. Brockovich isn't quite as polished as some of the fancy schmancy lawyer folks they partner with to take down the evil multi-billion dollar corporation, so she doesn't get the respect she deserves... you know, since she did all the work and all. Plus, look at her boobs. OBVZ all the other ladies are totally jealous.

So, right, She's all pissed off and getting disrespected and she totally says something lawyer-jargony that makes her really important and this bitchy/snobby/stuck-up lawyer lady FINALLY realizes it and says:

"I think we may have got off on the wrong foot here..."

And then this little gem is delivered and it makes me feel like saying it could pretty much make me feel vindicated for any wrong that was ever done to me.

"That's all you've got, lady. Two wrong feet and fucking ugly shoes."

It is the perfect comeback. And I live in total hope and anticipation that someday, totally unscripted, I will have a true moment of clarity-under-fire, and utter something just as perfect. Until then, I'll be trying to crush haters with mind power alone.

XO Sara


  1. Love a good comeback! The worst is when you realize the best come back after you could have used it. womp womp