easily the worst post i've ever written... don't waste your time.

I'm pretty unexciting right now.


Matt and I traversed to Cleveland last weekend. It was fun. Our team lost the hockey game we attended, but I got kind of sloppy on $8 - 24oz Honey Brown cans, so it wasn't a total wash. Also, we got along abnormally well, so I'm thankful for that. I lived way beyond my means, aka I partied like a rockstar in Cleveland, so now the rest of my money will be going to gas to get me to and from work until I get paid again in 10 days. Yay, adult decisions.


"Nerd" said in a demeaning way has become my new favorite insult, which I think is okay since it could easily be turned on me accurately. Correct usage? "Get out of the way, NERD."


We're watching the series ALIAS from start to finish (SEASON THREE HERE WE COME), which has become intensely emotional for me, for whatever reason. Like, I'm obsessed with spies now. And Michael Vartan. And Jennifer Garner.  I get really sucked into things. I've probably never been so excited to watch television in my life.


Most evenings I head to the library from about 7-9pm to "work on my grad school applications," aka gchat with my friends that live across the continent/world. I'm just fucking tired of the entire process and totally running out of steam. I've probably put in over ten hours on one personal statement alone, though. Basically, if I don't get into grad school, I'm planning to disappear... which could lead to a half-hearted attempt to become a spy. COME ON GRAD SCHOOL.


I started crying while trying to explain Eating Animals to someone I'd just met over beers recently. That was pretty much a low point. Seriously though, a very, very good read.


Blahdy Blah.


This is already pretty dismal, I don't think I'll add anything else. Anyway, it's time for lunch so I'll probably go sit in the conference room with the $1.00 microwavable meal and watch ALIAS clips on my phone.


Hopefully things will take an upward swing soon. I'm trying to laugh a lot, anyway.

heavy.

Days like today feel heavy.

 

The fact that it's cloudless and the sun is playing on the colors of the leaves like stained glass as the wind sighs through them isn't helping. The fact that it's November and 65 degrees and better than ideal isn't helping.

 

It's nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with me. But the fact that I feel this heavy on a perfect day somehow makes it all seem so much worse.

 

It's just that sometimes I look around and I'm not sure how I got to where I am standing. It's just so far from where I want to be, in almost every facet of my life.

 

What the fuck am I doing?

 

Sometimes it feels like if I could just get mad enough or sad enough or joyful enough or one extreme or that other I could make some headway. I know that's not how it works. I know a lot of things about 'that's not how it works." I guess I'm lacking on 'the way it works' front.

 

You know what else? Nothing about my life is even wrong. Everything is fine. I'm fine. We're all fine. I've got absolutely no reason to feel so gloomy.

 

Which is why it feels heavier today. Because if it were raining or cold or cloudy, at least I would have something to feebly tether the blame for feeling this miserable.

weather woes

I've been very reflective lately, which comes as no surprise to me because it happens every year when my body begins to sense that Summer is coming to an end.

In a way, it's a relief. The mornings a little crisper, there's college football, orchard trips and lovely red and orange and yellow landscapes. Autummn is beautiful in the Midwest, especially where I live, which is a little bit Country AND a little bit Rock N Roll. There are bonfires to be had, pumpkins to carve, layers to pile upon.

And Lord do I love a good pair of boots.

Mostly, though- I fight tooth and nail to keep summer going. I'll wear flip flops so long the ends of my toes will start to frost bite. I'll keep my windows down as long as I can, insist on spending every spare moment outdoors.

Summer is the answer to everything that ails me, it makes me feel more free, relaxed, better. With the start of fall I can feel myself winding back up.

The days are getting shorter, less sunlight steeps into my window every morning as I crawl out of bed. Soon I'll be driving to work under a blanket of darkness and getting home as the sun begins to set.

Winter is the hardest on me, and I can feel myself tense up at just the mention of it. It winds me tight and holds me down with its short short days and throws in my face the death portion in the circle of life.


I generally think people that complain about the weather are the worst kind of people; boring, dull, lamenting the most amazing display the earth has to offer us, one that can never be manipulated by all our technology and money.

You can't pay to insure it won't rain on your wedding day.


And now I'm one of those people.


UGH.

XO Sare

mouth breathing.

Two Fridays ago I had a mini-personal catastrophe.


A little background to this story woould be that I'm essentially "living" in two domiciles at the moment, the house I share with my BFFAEAEAE Kath, and Manfriend's. I always leave something somewhat vital to my existence at one place when I leave for the other. It's sad how disorganized I've become, really, considering how OCD I am about everything in my life.


Anyway, after work on that fateful Friday, I drove straight to the park to go for my run.


AND I didn't have my ipod.


I really, truly, almost had a meltdown. I just can't, CAN NOT listen to the sound of my own breathing when I run. I don't know how in the hell I made it through cross country and track in high school in the old days before people ran with ipods. I really don't. If I listen to myself breathe, I psyche myself out and start imagining how long it would be until someone found me if I collapsed where I am... etc. I have an active imagination.


It's really pretty sad how dependant I am on BEATZ to get me through my fitness practice unless I have someone running with me, but what can I say? I am hooked.


Anyway, I'm always looking for new songs to add to the mix, and if you are too, feel free to use any on the list below. AAAAAAAlso, please feel free to send some suggestions, my musical apptitude admittedly isn't what it once was.


BUT, I was never that cool, so what difference does it make?!?!!!


But, maybe don't judge me if you happen to spot a Hilary Duff song on the list below... please.




The Jams That Get Me Through A Punishing Workout

Florence and the Machine     The Dogs Days are Over
Drake, TI, & Swizz Beatz       Fancy
Katy Perry                           Firework
Jay-Z & Rihanna                   Run This Town
Jay-Z                                   Empire State of Mind
Edward Sharpe                     Home
Tramped By Turtles               Empire
Modest Mouse                     Paper Thin Walls
Kelis & Too Short                 Bossy
All American Rejects            Dirty Little Secret <-------- I guess you could say this was mine
Kelly Clarkson                      Miss Independent
Rachael Yamagata                Worn Me Down
Silverspun Pickups                Kissing Families
The White Stripes                 I'm Slowly Turning Into You
The Academy Is                   Classifieds
Blink-182                             What's My Age Again?
Brand New                           I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light
CCR                                    Down On The Corner
Fall Out Boy                        Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today
Hilary Duff                            Wake Up .......... I warned you it was coming?
Jim Sturgess                        I've Just Seen A Face
The Killers                           When You Were Young
MGMT                                Time To Pretend
Micheal Buble                      Haven't Met You Yet
Neutral Milk Hotel                 King Of The Carrot Flowers, Part 1
Rilo Kiley                             Portions For Foxes
Say Anything                       Alive With The Glory Of Love
Sugarcult                            Champagne
Taking Back Sunday            You Know How I Do
Talking Heads                      This Must Be The Place (Naive)
The Ting Tings                     Shut Up And Let Me Go
Tom Petty                           American Girl
Unwritten Law                      Save Me
Yeah Yeah Yeahs                Cheated Heats
+44                                     Little Death



 Just press shuffle and call it better than listening to yourself breathe!



Xo Sara




In other news, I just got a 130 point work in words with friends!!!!!! Boom.