Tuesday, April 5, 2011

sticky lips

During my lunch hour today, I was perusing the clearance section of Kroger because I obviously don't know the meaning of words like 'budget' or 'time management,' and something a little odd happened.

 I bought a tube of lipstick. Granted, an on-sale-for $2.39 tube of lipstick, but still.

Lipstick has always been the most elusive of the cosmetics to me. A nice plum rouge? I can handle it.  A menage of mascara? I'm your girl. I'll even hit up that liquid eyeliner if I'm feeling particularly spicey, but lipstick? Let's leave that to the professionals.

I guess for whatever reason I just figured lipstick is for real adult women, and not a twenty four year old who spent their Monday night sweating her ass off at the gym and then proceeded to rush home to mourn a friend's declined grad school application with an entire bottle of cheap champange- without even bothering to shower or change. Clearly, I'm not glamourous enough to warrant the application of lipstick.

However, I realized today that I must be running on flawed logic here. Lipstick's popularity never seems to diminish, despite women getting old and dying and stuff. So like, obviously people who are young are picking up on this whole lengthy trend and perpetuating it along, right? Just not anyone I know personally.

But, what's the point, exactly? I really don't dislike the color of my lips at all. In fact, I think it's a rather nice shade. Plus, I greatly prefer the feeling of chapstick to that of chalky, dry, lipstick. Why don't I know anyone my age who regularly applies this cosmetic? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME THIS TIME?! Naturally I went to the person I go to with all the troubles of my curious little heart, Manfriend.

Me: "Question. How do you feel about lipstick?"

Manfriend: "Is this a trap?"

Me: "I don't think so. Lipstick?"

Manfriend: "On me...?"

Me: "No. I just mean in a general sense, what are your feelings toward lipstick as a thing?"

Manfriend: "Um. I think it looks good on some people and some people overdo it, I guess. It's okay...."

... and then I stopped listening because I was driving, which, if you can believe it, actually makes my attention span even shorter than normal and because I was obviously asking the wrong person. Manfriend doesn't even wear lipstick! (That I know of.)

One of those major makeup lines now has Taylor Swift as one of their models for LIPSTICK. NOT GLOSS. STICK. So shit, I guess they're trying to accentuate what a youthful product this is. But, it's not, right? Am I a freak here? I just don't feel like I come into contact with THAT MANY women who wear lipstick. How can it be so wildly popular and I'm just in the dark? Shit, it's just like Twitter, only much, much older and an actual product, isn't it?

Today, I rushed out to my car after paying for my 'necessities' at Kroger and hurriedly ripped open the tube of lipstick. We stared each other down. I smelled it, because I'm a freak and I smell everything. And then I looked up into my rear-view mirror and applied that mystical stick-o-the-lips onto my supple smackers and leaned back to admire my handy work.

My lips were fucking orange. The color, as described on the tube, is "Kiss," but I can guarandamntee that Manfriend would NOT dare kiss me if he had been there to check me out. It looked so nude/lightpink/fresh from the tube, the deceptive little bastard! Undeniably orange. And flecked with shiney pearlescent looking shit, which, if you know me at all, you know I HATE pearlescently colored things. I wiped that shit off my now-dehydrated lips and drove back to the office to spend my last half-hour of lunch in the peace and dark of the uninhabited side-office that I occasionally hide out in.

I guess I don't really have any problem with lipstick. And maybe one day, when the time is right, I'll start wearing it around the house and putting it on before I go to the grocery store and stuff, and it will feel natural. Just not today; today I will waste away my afternoon pondering the popularity of a product that I'm not ready for, the nerve!

XO Sare

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