Friday, April 15, 2011


You know what's a annoying as shit? People who are all "Change your life!!!"

"Be the person you want to be!"

"YOU ARE THE MASTER OF YOUR OWN DESTINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111oneoneoneoeoeneomgfuckyuou."

NO, OMG, fuck YOU.

Because life lessons are incredibly fucking easy to hand out when using other people's words and failing to take into account the circumstances in life.

Circumstances are a big damn dick in my ass.

Because they prevent a complete transformation of current life to a life that feels like riding a unicorn across a magical forest while simultaneously eating a handful of perfectly cooked bacon that actually makes you LOSE WEIGHT, from happening over night. Those circumstances, they complicate things, and make it all messy, and in all honesty, make actually seeking out change a bit more frightening.

While I've taken this new optimism, trust the universe, act like a person tripping their balls off at a Dead concert feels stance, I've come to realize something.

It's true, I've got to make the changes in order to get to the reality I want to see for myself, because not only does no one else have as much invested in my own happiness, but because no one else really has the foggiest idea what will get me there. It's a one woman shit show. I'm driving the tour bus, headlining the concert, getting rowdy in the lawn, and sneaking backstage to get baked with the band.

Which, as awesome as all of those roles, man.


One person doing all that work... takes a while. Like, more than a little while. NOT ALL AT ONCE THE WAY I LIKE THINGS BECAUSE I'M GODDAMN IMPATIENT BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A ME ME ME, NOW NOW NOW, society. 


Which is why I've made a not-so-startling realization that startled the shit outta me.

I'm never going to wake up one morning and have the perfect life and get that AHA moment.

...And also, I don't really want it.

I guess I always knew that happiness is more than just not hating your job and making enough  money and being loved and being healthy and shit. Which whatever, I mean it would make happiness more attainable to a lot more people there was a destination or something. 

But shit, this whole being a more content person thing, it requires that you take a different attitude about what you've got to work with NOW. Instead of taking a mental shit all over the circumstances that you feel are holding everything up, sometimes you've got to just think to yourself, "This is what I have to work with right now, I've got to do what I can RIGHT NOW and make sure I'm not letting myself be miserable RIGHT NOW and check off the little things that lead up to the big things on my to-do list."

Which, takes a WHOLE LOT of mental will-power and strength of spirit when you realize that you will turn 25 years old this summer and, wait for it, will be living with your parents again when that quarter-life crisis date rolls around.

Hopefully, for the last time. Here's the thing. I'm okay with this, promise. I mean, I do currently reside in a badass house with my badass friends and you know, enjoy certain freedoms. Like sleeping with Manfriend regularly... and stuff. However, I'm choosing to spin this to the positive for myself. It's true. I can pay for an apartment, I make enough money. But, I'll never get out of debt this way, I can't afford it. This way, with this new plan, I will pay enormous chunks of money every month and be out of debt in (let's all hope really hard) SIX MONTHS.

And you know what would make happiness so much easier for me? Not carrying around thousands in debt. In eight months, I can pay off my car, my credit cards, everything I owe to ANYONE.


Freedom, yeah, that could definitely make me happier.

So, it's a journey. And boy oh boy, I can't wait to NOT be one of those motherfuckers on facebook who's always all "I hate my job!, Is it five o'clock yet?!?!! OMG TGIF, long week!" Because, I mean, I'd like to someday value each day and not just the ones that I can get drunk on guilt-free. 

Another weekend rolls around! Cheers to rolling around! Wooohoooooo. Rave party. 

Wait, shit. There was something I wanted to do. 



monday was the first lawn-mow of the season! admire my handy-work. 
only the strong survive. barry prevails. 
meet katherine. friend/roommate/miss fix-it. we had a fire in our backyard. in a birdbath.  spring brought the crazy, we're merely embracing it with open arms. 
stuff's growing in there!!!

we have a magnolia tree... i'm smitten. 

XO Sare.

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