Monday, April 18, 2011

time to burn a bridge

Wanna hear about a large error in judgement?

At the beginning of this month, Katherine, Jessica, and I let an old friend from high school a random move in with us. Some may not call this person a "rando," but since I hadn't hung out with them in over five years and didn't know a lick about what was going on in their life up to the point they were moving into my personal space and haven of safety from the cruel, hard, world, they're a random to me.

As I've mentioned before, our house is kickass and plenty big for four people. We're swimming in square-footage over here. It's honestly a really odd phenomenon, and kind of sickening when I think about the box I rented in Chicago. We already don't pay an arm and a leg in rent every month, so we figured ANOTHER $75 off rent a month would be pretty badass,. AKA, we'd all only be paying $225. A month. WHAT IS THIS? (Read: the neighborhood is patchy... but whatevs, we know our neighbors and I've never felt unsafe.)

So, this person had just moved back into town and was for whatever reason looking for some place to live, a shoulder to cry on, way to generate income, ride everywhere, drinking buddy, etc. This person is what normal people would label as a "drain" or a "red-flag." However, being that we're softies and somewhat non-immune to sob-stories and charity cases, this person was ushered into our lives after an extended absence. AKA periodically disappearing for years at a time.

I've come to realize recently that between high school and age 25, people have to find a way to survive now that we're expected to pick up and go off and survive largely on our own. A lot of people, such as myself, fuck this up several times, but continue to struggle and claw towards independence and hold themselves accountable for the decisions they make. Other people just start sucking, badly.

Welp, fourth roomie is the latter.


After discovering some unsavory things about said person, aka they're shady and untrustworthy and OMG I will shit a brick if they steal anything from me...... we get to have the "UM, you need to move out NOW because we've all been deliberating behind your back about how uncomfortable you've made our living situation since you moved in three weeks ago," chat.


It's happening tomorrow. Which means I will effectively be a jumble of nerves and stress until the confrontation occurs. And then until fourth roomie aka Shadeball vacates the premises and I have the house keys clenched tightly in my grimey little hands.

Man, it's just so disheartening how some people change for the worse and really show their true colors at the worst possible time, like after you've invited them into your home. I'm not even the one who's lost the most- Jessica and Katherine were better friends with this person. Katherine found this person a job where she worked. She lent them her bike to get around. (Which this person promptly wrecked.) Sometimes putting yourself out on a limb for someone just doesn't work out. This is one of those times.

I'm not a bad person, but I don't typically put myself into situations with people where I can be let down or made to feel like I'm being taken advantage of. It bums me out that this person got a break, and a pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself, in living with us and now has probably squandered the last good option for them to live.

And part of me feels totally quilty about the conversation we're going to have tomorrow, and the tone I willl inevitably be forced to take to get my point across. The cut-and-dry, you're out, this is non-negotiable tone.  The you're-a-fuck-up-and-I-won't-have-you-around-to-take-me-down-with-you voice. Because as much as I hate using it, nothing seems to be as effective. And as much as I may not always appreciate the fact that I have that voice, it sure does seem to get the point across.

I don't know where they're going to go, and maybe it makes me a shitty human being, but it's not my problem anymore. I'm on my way up, and nothing is going to slow my route.

XO Sare

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